Learning to Let Go

Originally Posted Aug 17, 2011

“Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self—in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.”
                                                                          –C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

Painful but true. I think the hardest part is realizing I have to give up my all of my wants and wishes and dreams. The very things that make me me, but that’s what he asking.  I have to give everything I am, everything I hoped for, every plan I’ve made  because if I don’t I’m not truly following, listening, or changing. He’s either Lord of all or Lord of none so I must learn to endure the painful in order to truly understand and enjoy what he is offering.

But to understand that I am to give up everything is a very staggering concept. The very things that I hold dear, the things that are mine and mine alone, he’s asking for them. He’s standing there with his hand out stretch waiting for me to place them in his palm, yet all I can do is grasp them even tighter to my chest and wonder to myself how I can I possibly give these up? How can I give up what I perceive to be the very essence of myself? (Conveniently ignoring the fact that they are not nor have they ever been). In a way, I feel that they are the very things that prop me up and keep me going.  I’m afraid that if I let them go I will fall.  So the question becomes am I willing to let it all go and trust that God will catch me when I fall? Even then I imagine that when he catches me it will hurt because I the things that I have built around me are being torn away.

Am I willing to do this?  To stand through the fire as He remolds me into something new? Sometimes I think I’m frightened to let go because I’m afraid that the new self with new hopes, and plans, and dreams will not be as wonderful as the old ones. I know this is an untruth but Satan slips in there and whispers his lies and because I’m so desperately afraid I cling to them and tell God that there’s no way the other side of the pain could be better. It is said that sometimes the fear of pain is often worse than the actual pain itself. I think that’s case as I stand here desperately holding onto my hopes and dreams, just as child holds onto the dirty tattered remains of a beloved blanket. I’m more afraid of the idea of pain then the actuality of it. But when placed in contrast to the pain suffered on the cross how can I not suffer for a little while in light of what he’s done for me? Besides I’m promised that the other side so much better than I can imagine. I just have to learn to let go.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.