I come to the garden
alone. A maze of green shrubs lies between me and the door, but I am not
daunted by the twists and turns that would quickly deter another. I’ve
traversed these paths since I was a child and I know the way through like a
well-traveled road. I quickly move through the leafy maze avoiding dead ends and
greeting familiar places with a smile and fond memories.
Soon
I stand before a wall so covered in ivy any other would have mistaken it for a
dead end, but I know the truth and so I search for the door hidden by time and vines.
My hand, guided by memory and familiarity, swiftly finds the door carved from
oak and engraved with trailing strands of ivy and rambling swirls of flowers. I
gently push the door open and quietly duck beneath the falling ivy. One step
inside the hidden garden my soul quiets and the tension I’d unknowingly held
trickles from my frame. I close my eyes and breathe deep of the clean air.
Before me lies a low stone bench
surrounded by dancing daffodils and sweeping trees. A short distance away lays
a small stream that musically makes its way over dirt and stone filling the air
with its tinkling melody. On the bench sits a man. He’s quietly watching a
butterfly wing its way over flower and bush but when I enter he looks up and a
smile graces his face. Somehow I know he’s been here waiting for me far longer
then I’ve been looking for him.
He opens his arms wide beckoning
me to his side. Despite my desire to act calm my longing for him overcomes my
inhibitions and I rush to his side and enveloping arms. There I find safety and
love. There I find serenity and peace. There I find acceptance and grace. There
I find home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I shared previously how I gave the
key to my heart over to God. How I gave up all possession of key and gave him
sole power over the gate. As a teen the idea of giving God the key was more
metaphorical than anything else, but over time the garden became
something…..more. Instead of being a vague idea only regulated to keeping
others out or in it became a real place. A place where the world was pushed
aside and I could meet with my Savior. There I could rest his arms and seek
solace from the troubles of my day. Not only could I find comfort there but
also joy, laughter, advice, and even chastisement when I needed it. It was and
is a safe place. The place where I come to refresh my soul.
In the beginning the thought of God
holding the key was a romantic one. I was going to give the key to God and he
was going to procure the perfect man for me. Obviously the ideas of my
teenage-self were very different from God’s ideas, but looking back I’m so glad
God’s ideas prevailed over mine. God took the naïve promise of twelve year old
girl and transformed it into a living breathing relationship with him.
I realize that my story may be the
extreme. I imagine not many girls will get to 26 without at least dating once
or twice and I’m not saying that my experience should be the norm, but I do
think we should have a mentality of placing God first. One where we let God do
the leading in our love lives rather than ourselves. He should always be first
and foremost. He should be a very real presence that goes through the day with
us. The literal everyday lover of our souls.
It astonishes me daily how much he loves and wants me. Me with the penchant for placing things
before him and the habit of disappointing myself and him with the choices I
make. Despite all this he still wants me with a love I cannot comprehend. No matter how hard I try I can’t find the words
to accurately describe the love I am drowning in. There are days I feel so
overwhelming loved I don’t know what to do with it all.
Lately God has placed a new desire in my heart. Above all I want him.
More than I want to be married. More than I want children. More than anything
else. No man can love me the way he does. No man will ever desire me the way he
does. No man will ever pursue me the way he does. And that is what this series
is about. The God who wants me and you above all else and is willing to move
heaven and earth for our hearts.
This is why I began this series on the God who relentlessly
pursues us. I want every woman and girl to know the Creator who loves and
craves them. To personally know the God who makes the flowers sprout and paints
the sunsets just for them. He didn’t have to make the world beautiful, but he
did it all because he loves us with an unending unreserved love.
I want so badly for each of you reading this to know the
all-compassing love of God. To know that you are beautiful to him and that no
amount of money could ever amount to your worth. Each of you holds infinite worth
in his eyes and that’s why he’s pursuing the 8 year old playing princess, the
14 year old who’s dealing with self-image issues, the 23 year old young woman
just getting married, the 46 year old woman battling a divorce, and the 74 year
old woman who’s been married for fifty-two years. He’s pursued each of you from
the moment you drew your first breath and he’ll continue to pursue you ‘til the
moment you draw your last. He wants all
of you with a longing so fierce he spends each day vying for your attention. He
loves you much he willing sacrificed his son even though he knew you might
never accept his gift. It is an unending, unconditional love which is not based
on anything you do or don’t do. It is genuine true love which is there whether
you accept it or not.
Most days I don’t think I have the
ability or the experience to write this mini-series. I feel I’m too young and inexperienced
to accurately share the ups and downs of our lives as women. Most of the time I
sit before my computer, fingers on the keys unmoving, because I’m too afraid to
put into words what others may scoff at. I’m afraid that the words I use won’t
be enough to touch the hearts of women. That they’ll read them and think I’m a
fraud. What could I possibly know about their lives and the experiences they’ve
gone through? And they’d be right. I don’t know. I’ve never been married, I’ve
never been heart-broken, and I’ve never been abused, broken, or used to
irrevocable harm. I don’t know their pain because I’ve never been there. So my
heart whispers what’s the use? Why even try? And why, oh why, is God asking
this of me? Because I know he is despite my lack of experience and my doubts.
Except
as I sit here with my fingers upon the keys I realize it’s not my heart that
whispers these doubts, its Satan trying to get in and discourage me before I’ve
even begun. It’s so easy to believe his lies too, because I’m already
predisposed to believe I’m not good enough or talented enough. And he wants me
to believe this because if I doubt myself I’ll never reach for what God’s
offering: the chance to join in on the work of eternity. If God has asked
something of me it’s for a reason, even if that reason is only to see if I
obey, but no matter the reason Satan will try everything in his power to stop
the work of the Lord.
So if you’re reading through these
today and feel that I have no idea what you’re going through, you’re right. But
God does and sometimes he uses the unexpected to reach us where we’re at. I may
not have the experiences or the right words but I hope that somewhere in my
jumbled mix of words you grow closer to the God who loves you above all else.
Over the next couple of weeks,
God-willing, I hope to post nine more posts ranging anywhere from singleness,
to the desires we have as women, to advice for guys. I hope you will join me on
this adventure of getting to know the God that loves us and pursues us
relentlessly and that your relationship with him will be the richer for it.
However, I will forewarn you,
should you open your heart to God’s work within your life he’s going to take
you down paths that will test and strengthen your relationship with him. The
journey to knowing God isn’t any easy one. He loves us with a consuming love
but he also wants us to grow. He’s going to search out the dark corners of your
heart and he’s going to bring forth things you’d rather not deal with it. He’s
going to make you wait when all you want to do is move (or vice versa). And
he’s going to ask you to give up things you’d much rather not. Take my word for
it, I know. And it hurts. It hurts so much sometimes that all you can do is
trust his plan and cry—a lot—but crying is a good thing. It cleanses the heart
and makes the pain a little more bearable.
I’m not
trying to scare you off from knowing the God who loves and craves you. I want
you to know the God who colored the aurora borealis and hung the stars just for
you so much that my heart aches. There’s a country singer that sings I beg your pardon; I never promised you a
rose garden. There have been many times when I feel as though God is saying
those words to me. We’re not promised an easy path but it’s a path that is
lined with good things too. And I promise you you’ll come to find that the good
far outweighs the bad. It may not be right away but give it time and gradually
you’ll see and feel the joy.
I pray
that each of you will be drawn closer to the God who loves you, desires you,
and pursues you. That you truly get to know the God who wants you above all
else. May his love enrich your lives,
cause you grow, stretch you, and make you step outside your comfort zone to
make you ever more like him.
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