I read a blog today. A blog written by a beautiful young lady
whose heart for God seems bigger than mine could ever be. The way she writes slips
into my heart and makes me weep. The emotions she emits from the written page
stagger me and once I again I question my own writing talent. How could I ever
write like that? To take words and make something more with them? To wring
emotion from the heart and make people really feel what I am trying to say? To make a difference in someone’s
life because of the words I’ve written? And you know the answer I find within
me? I can’t.
The voice that never truly goes away whispers those two
little words and I believe it every time. No matter what anyone tells me, no matter
how much I may like something I’ve written, that voice is always there
whispering doubt in and every time, without fail, I believe it.
I don’t know if I’ll ever silence the voice or that I’ll ever
see greatness within my own works, but I’ve been learning something lately;
that each of us has been given an extraordinary gift by God. This precious gift
was given by God for the sole purposes of serving him, to bring glory to name,
and to further his kingdom.
Glorious tasks, and yet I look on my gift with derision,
constantly comparing it to others. I don’t necessarily see it as gift given to
bring glory to his name or to serve him. All I can see are my own imperfections
and weaknesses. The little voice in my head constantly whispers that I’m not
good enough or that no one will ever read what I’ve written so why even try?
But here’s what I am learning: My gift was given with a
purpose. Do I know what this purpose is? No. Will I ever? I don’t know. Do I believe
that God will use it? Yes. Do I want to know why? Um…YES!!! I want to know that
my gift is worthwhile and benefiting the world, but I also understand that
there are things I may never be privy to. There is a reason why he gave me this
particular gift and even though I may never know why, I will trust him.
I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way. I think
most of us are cursed with this particular weakness. We either don’t see the
gift we bear or we compare it to the gifts of others effectively stopping
ourselves from ever using it.
Comparison is an ugly thing. It robs
dreams and steals joy. And yet each of us does it every day in small ways and
big ways. It’s not an easy thing to get rid of and in some instances becomes a
security blanket. We use it as an excuse to never try because if we never start
we’ll never fail. Satan uses our insecurities and fears against us because if he can stop us before we ever begin we’ll never change the world with the God. So he whispers lies and we’re all too willing to believe them because we’re prone to comparing ourselves to others. So the lies slip in along with the fears.
I believe Satan rejoices in these moments. He does everything
he can to stop us from using the gifts we been given because they are some the
greatest weapons we have in the war against him. Our
gifts have been given to edify (encourage) the body of Christ, to help bring a
lost world to Christ, and to glorify the name of God; all things the devil
hates and yet we suppress them because so many times we believe them to be
inferior to the gifts given to others.
We’re
afraid that our gift won’t meet up to our expectations or the expectations of
others. We’re terrified we might fail, that we might not be good enough or
talented enough which causes the value of our gift to be diminished in our own
sight. The sad thing is by listening to our fears we are effectively stopping
the work of the Holy Spirit.
I
think our lives are a bit similar to butterfly trapped in its cocoon. Just like
that butterfly we’re trapped in our own cocoons of doubt, insecurity, and
excuses. We have to unwind ourselves from the lies we’ve wrapped ourselves in
if we ever want to achieve God’s full work within our lives. If we live within
our cocoon of doubts and insecurities we’re really telling God that we don’t
trust him and that he made a mistake when chose us. When we let go of these
insecurities and doubts and let God have full reign of our gifts I think we
must feel a bit like that butterfly the first time it unfurls its wings upon
exiting the cocoon. There is a sense of freedom and joy incomparable to thing
else.
Recently
I was talking with a friend who works with broken and hurting adults who’ve had
horrendous pasts. She shared how there are so many days when she feels she
lacks the skills and life experiences to truly
minster and reach out to the people she works with.
My friend grew up in a loving home with parents who provided
for their children not only physically but spiritually as well. A blessing she
thanks God for, but there are days when the blessings come with feelings of
guilt because of the pain and hurt she sees in others. These blessings leave her feeling as though
she cannot truly understand and empathize with her clients. Despite her
feelings of inadequacies she rejoices in her blessings and continues to push on
because she knows that God has called her to this place.
She
may not feel equipped to handle the mission God has called her to, but you know
what I see? Where there is gloom I see a young woman shining bright for the
Lord—a light that draws those in darkness in. Where the world is hard, I see
softness. I see someone who is pliable in the hands of God and is growing. I
see someone who is using the gifts God graced her with. Not many may notice
what she is doing, but to a few she may be the light pointing the way to shore.
Here
is young woman living inside the calling God gave her. She has stepped up and
begun using the gifts and blessings God has given her even when she feels
insufficient. I think this is the best place to be for God uses our
insufficiencies to work in marvelous ways.
My friend is gifted in ways that I
never will be just as she will never be gifted in the same ways I am. Each of us
has been made uniquely to complete a purpose God created for us long before we
were a twinkle in our mother’s eyes. We just have to be pliable in God’s
hands and let him work.
It’s a marvelous thing that God created us all differently
with different gifts and talents. That one person may have the gift of teaching
while another the gift of serving. The beauty of our gifts is that they differ
so much. I know that I don’t have the gift of learning new languages or doing
artist endeavors and I probably never will, but that’s okay because I know that
others do. Each of us is called to work differently within the body of Christ
and we’re each given specific talents to complete these tasks.
So many times we think that only
certain gifts can be used in the work of the church. Things like teaching,
serving, praying, and leading small groups, but these are only a small part of
the gifts God has given us. God has graced some with the ability to work
construction, run a business, or create things. These things (and so many more)
may not be used in the typical setting of a church but they can be used to
further God’s kingdom and bring glory to his name. We just have to be willing
to be used where God calls us.
I also believe that God grants us
different gifts at different times in our lives. Someone may not have the gift
of leading when they’re young but find that later in life God has blessed them
with this particular talent in order to carry out something he has called them
to.
Just because God hasn’t graced us
with a particular gift doesn’t mean that we can’t gain it with hard work. I don’t
have the gift of serving but I know that God has called each of us to be
servants so I work towards attaining this talent even though it’s hard and I
have to consciously push myself to do it. The same with music. I can’t play
piano but with hard work and determination I could learn to play and use it
within the church.
It is important to use the gifts
given to us. Just a muscle that is not used weakens and wastes away so to do our
gifts and talents. They may still be present but without use they weaken and deteriorate.
When we let ourselves believe the lies Satan feeds us and let our gifts fall to
the wayside they often become unnoticed and forgotten never being used for
their true purpose: God’s work within the world. If we just let go of our fears and let the
glory God has given us shine through just think of what we could accomplish with
him in this dark world. I guarantee we will find joy and peace, even amongst hardships
and trials, if we just let God work in us towards his purposes.
~~~~~~~~
When
I was young the Lord gave to me a box; a gift wrapped shiny and bright. He
smiled gently and quietly spoke, “Here is a gift made especially for you. None
other has a gift just like it. It will aid you as you walk each day so use it
well.”
At first I marveled that so wonderful a gift would be given to such as I, but once the first awe subsided I began to worry that my gift might not be as good as those others had receive. What if it wasn’t as useful as theirs? Worse, what if when I opened my package and brought it out for all to see, they laughed instead of marveled?
So in fear and trepidation I set my gift upon the shelf to afraid to see what God had granted. Uncertainty stilled my hand and so year upon year it sat upon the shelf gathering dust and yellowing with age. My fear held me captive despite my desire to see what lay within.
Finally, after years of disuse, when life’s bright flame began to flicker and fade within my breast, my desire to look overcame my fear. I took the box from its shelf and carefully tore the wrapping away. With great care I lifted the lid to gaze upon the gift I waited so long to see, but to my dismay I found the box empty and hollow.
In hurt and anger I turned to the Lord and showed him the box filled with nothing but air.
“My child,” he gently responded, “When I gave you the box it was full, but the longer you ignored your gift the more it diminished. Your gift was not meant to be forgotten and laid aside--it was created to be used. Great things could have been accomplished with such a gift if you had just opened and used it. The only thing left now is the knowledge of what could have been.”
At first I marveled that so wonderful a gift would be given to such as I, but once the first awe subsided I began to worry that my gift might not be as good as those others had receive. What if it wasn’t as useful as theirs? Worse, what if when I opened my package and brought it out for all to see, they laughed instead of marveled?
So in fear and trepidation I set my gift upon the shelf to afraid to see what God had granted. Uncertainty stilled my hand and so year upon year it sat upon the shelf gathering dust and yellowing with age. My fear held me captive despite my desire to see what lay within.
Finally, after years of disuse, when life’s bright flame began to flicker and fade within my breast, my desire to look overcame my fear. I took the box from its shelf and carefully tore the wrapping away. With great care I lifted the lid to gaze upon the gift I waited so long to see, but to my dismay I found the box empty and hollow.
In hurt and anger I turned to the Lord and showed him the box filled with nothing but air.
“My child,” he gently responded, “When I gave you the box it was full, but the longer you ignored your gift the more it diminished. Your gift was not meant to be forgotten and laid aside--it was created to be used. Great things could have been accomplished with such a gift if you had just opened and used it. The only thing left now is the knowledge of what could have been.”
