Through Fire and Water

            
   

             Ever wonder what God is doing? Why he seems to sit up in heaven and dictate that horrible things happen? Life seems to being going good when WHAM! he hits us with problem after problem. So we sit here down on our knees pushed there by circumstances out of our control looking to heaven with confusion and hurt. Why God? we question. Why must these things happen? Life seems to fall down around us causing us to bend beneath the weight of a load we feel incapable of bearing. This is usually the point where tears spill and our trust in God is tested. 

            A month ago I sat before the computer writing a post about trust. At the time I felt a measure of pride in the fact that I had learned to trust God with the future of my heart. I’d handed it over to him trusting he’d take care of it. See, I thought, I’m really doing great in the trust department, but in the process of writing about trusting God to handle our futures I realized that while I may have trusted him with my heart I wasn’t trusting him with the everyday ins and outs of my life.

            As is the case when God begins to work in my life every little thing seemed to test my trust in his sovereignty over my life. The noises that go bump in the night ate away at my nerves, money ran tighter then I’d planned, and million other small things piled on top of each other.

The Sunday before Christmas I sat in church debating whether or not I should give my tithe for the current paycheck because I knew there was no way I could make both it and rent.  But as I sat there I felt God asking me if I trusted him. 

“Yes,” I argued, “but money is tight and it would only be this one pay check.” 

“Do you trust me?” He asked again

“Yes God, but-”

“Miranda, do you trust me? “

How do you argue against the creator of the universe? Unwilling to admit I might not trust him as much as I wished I gave my tithe hoping against hope that he would come through and meet my needs. A small part of me was excited to see what God would do. Would he somehow make extra money appear? Cover my rent in some hitherto unseen way? I waited for over a week, half in hope, half in fear, that he would meet my needs. Rent was due Tuesday, payday was still 3 days way and nothing had changed save that my bank account was little smaller and my faith, thankfully, a little stronger. During that time I prayed that God would delay the cashing of the check until at least Friday morning so that my paycheck would cover the deficit. I turned my check in and trusted God. Then Wednesday morning my car went up in smoke.

            Actual literal smoke that billowed out of my hood making me a little afraid the whole thing was about to go up in flames. Thankfully no flames occurred but my car was toast, or at least toast until I could a new radiator. I’d known it was on its way out but I’d been praying and hoping it’d hold out long enough for me to get taxes back so I could afford to replace it. 

            I stood next to my car in the falling snow and freezing temperatures trying with all my will-power to trust God knew what he was doing. I told myself I wouldn’t cry because I knew God was in control and he had a reason for the demise of my car, but after several failed attempts to get ahold of someone to help me or at least give me advice (namely my dad and a mechanic friend) I broke down and cried. I sat on my couch telling myself over and over that I didn’t need to cry but the tears refused to stop. Honestly though, I think the tears helped. I figuratively rested my head on God’s shoulder and cried out my frustration and lack of understanding knowing that he understood my problems.

            Before the whole smoking car incident I’d been headed out to my favorite coffee shop to work on some posts I’d been having trouble writing. I’d spent that morning praying that God would give me the right words to effectively get the message I wanted to portray across. Only I never made it there. So instead of sitting at a table drinking coffee I sat in my dirty living room sipping tea and struggling to understand the way God works. In between trying to make calls and trying not to cry it suddenly occurred to me that God may have caused my car to die because it would make a great illustration and because he wanted me to learn to trust him. At the thought I burst into hysterical laughter punctuated by bursts of tears. I laughed because I could totally see God procuring such plan and I cried for the exact same reason.

            I’ll be the first to admit I don’t understand the way God works. He knew I was already having money problems and yet he allowed my car to break down. My ONLY car. And yet over the next week of waiting for it to be fixed he met my every need. I rarely work day shifts and yet I had three that week making it easier to find rides to and from work, there was a special on rental cars so I was able to rent a car for three days for the less than half the regular price, I had my first Friday off in over six months, it was my weekend off, and last but not least, my dad was able to find a radiator for less than a $100 plus he drove 2 ½ hours just to replace it. God worked in the midst of my problem to show that he was faithful to meet my needs even when I failed to fully trust his wisdom. 

            However, God apparently wasn’t done teaching me to trust him. As Dad worked on my car, the following Wednesday, I discovered that I have some health issues I had no idea existed. I now have doctor’s appointments and tests coming up, but I believe this is just one more test placed in my path by God. Each week it seems as though something progressively worse happens but I have choice. I can sit in worry and doubt or I can choose to trust that God has my life in his hands. I much prefer to trust. It comes with less worry and less stress. 

            God has a plan. A plan I can’t see or understand, but all he’s asking is that I fully give each day to him trusting that whether I fall or rise he’s in control. I don’t believe that my health issues will come to anything, but on the off chance that they do I’m going to trust that he has a direction he’s headed and I’m just along for the ride. A journey that is indescribably good even with the ups and downs life delivers. 

            A couple of weeks ago I read Psalm 66 and three verses caught my attention. I wasn’t even sure why except something in them tugged at my heart. I considered writing a post on them, but as I didn’t fully understand what God was trying to say to me through them I left it alone, but almost daily I would go back and read them finding comfort in the words. 

            In the last week I’ve come to the conclusion that God gave them to me because he knew what he was about to do in my life and that I would need the encouragement they brought and as such I believe they fit perfectly with the message of this post.

Psalm 66:10-12

For you, O God, tested us;

you refined us like silver.

You brought us into prison

and laid burdens on our backs.

You let men ride over our heads;

we went through fire and water,

but you brought us to a place of

abundance.

Remember the first paragraph? The one where we feel overburdened with a load we cannot bear? We get to that point because we NEED to be at that point. We get there because God wants us to be past our capabilities because he wants us to realize we need him. We’re not promised a life of ease. God is going to send us through the hard times to refine us and make us more like him. There are going to be situations in life that make us feel as though we’ve been beat down but that’s because we aren’t letting God bear the burden. We’re trying to get through on our own and we’re failing miserably leaving us feeling wrung out and tired, incapable of dealing with anything else. 

For most of us he has asked us to walk paths we never thought we’d walk. Life has a way of turning out completely different then the way we’d planned. There are always turns and bumps in the road we never expect and sometimes the road leads us somewhere we never intended to be.

For some it might be the marriage that didn’t turn out the way they’d hoped or maybe it’s the relationship that never happened (i.e. singleness). For other’s it could be an abusive relationship, the loss of a child, an illness that ravages themselves or a loved one, or the loss of a much need job. 

            Life sometimes feels like it’s beating us down until there’s nothing left to beat out of us. We feel lost and out of control and we want nothing more than for life to return to normal. Where loved ones are well, a regular paycheck is coming in, and our relationships are healthy and normal. Only life doesn’t always work that way. We set our plans but the Lord’s prevails. 

I admit, don’t always like the Lord’s plans. In fact sometimes I think they down right stink. But I also know that his ways are higher than mine and just because I’m stuck in a moment (or years) where I don’t like what he’s doing doesn’t mean that the end result isn’t a good one. Chances are I probably won’t understand a lot of what he’s doing until I get to heaven but that just means I need to learn to trust. Trust that he loves me, trust that wants the best for me, and trust that he works good for me. In the midst of trials sometimes it’s hard to see that God has a plan that could ever come to good, but his ways are not our ways and because of that we can’t always see or understand where he’s going. 

Going back to Psalm 66 the first time I read it I thought the “place of abundance” meant he’d bring us to a physical place of abundance, but I’ve come to understand that while God can lead us to a place of physical comfort and plenty, what it really means is that in the midst of trial we will come to find that God offers the richness of his joy, comfort, and peace within our souls. It’s not a physical state but rather a spiritual one. One I’d take most days over any riches this world can offer, not to say there aren’t going to be days where I just want to enjoy earthly pleasures, but the joy and peace of God offers far more than this world ever could.

In conclusion I just want to say my rent check wasn’t cashed until I got paid (thank you God!) and I can’t wait (said somewhat sarcastically) to see what he has planned for next week! ;) Also it was pointed out to me that I was spending money on coffee when I had rent to pay. For anyone who noticed the same thing I just want to say I had a gift card. :)  

Isaiah 43:1-3b

But now, this is what the Lord says—

he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

 the flames will not set you ablaze.

 For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.