The Gift of Life

For those who don’t understand the life Jesus offers, what does this mean? What is this life? Nicodemus (a learned scholar) asked Jesus the same question in John 3. Jesus had just finished telling him that no one could see heaven until they were born again. This confused Nicodemus. He couldn’t understand how someone could be born again when they were old.  I’m sure he stared at Jesus with confusion written all over his face as he voiced his next question, “How can someone who is old be born again? Can they enter their mother’s womb a second time?” But Jesus wasn’t talking about a physical birth—he was talking about a spiritual birth, A birth we need because we're dying of sin. All of us are dying in the physical sense. We’re all slowly aging and some day we will breathe our last. None of us can escape that reality, but the Bible isn’t talking about our physical death. Instead it is referring to the fate of our souls. 

What does this mean? How are we dying from sin? The Bible says “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).” It also says, “That the wages of sin is death (eternal death), but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 6:23).” Many of us think that we are basically good; that we’ve never done anything bad enough for God to punish us for, but that’s not the case. As soon as we told our very first white lie, disobeyed our parents, or failed to return something we had borrowed our souls were sentenced to everlasting punishment in hell. 

God is a pure and holy God which means he can’t live with sin. There was once a time when men and women were without sin, but they were given free will and they chose to disobey God. In that instant they cursed the human race with a disease called “sin.” From the moment we take our first breath to the moment we take our last we are condemned to the punishment sin has placed upon us—separation from God and an eternity in hell.

But that isn’t the end of the story. God loves us so much that he gave us his only son to come down to earth as a man and die in our place. The amazing wonder of this act still astounds me; that an almighty God loves us enough to die in our place. It wasn’t an easy death either. He was beaten, tortured, and ridiculed. They whipped him (probably with a whip that had glass pieces on the ends), placed long thorns twisted into a crown upon his head, made him carry his own cross through town, nailed him to the very same cross, broke his legs, and shoved a spear through his side. 

Dying on a cross is not a pleasant death. They take 3 inch long nails and pound them through your wrists and feet. Then they hoist you into the air to hang by them. Death isn’t caused by the nails but rather by suffocation. Once you are no longer able to hold yourself up you slowly suffocate. With your arms above your head it is impossible to draw enough air in after a while. I was once told that the pain of having those nails pounded into your wrists would be 10 times worse than hitting your funny bone. 

Can you imagine going through all that pain just to save people who hated you, broken your heart time and time again, turned their backs on you, and worst of all ignored you. And yet he did it. That He would love me this much dumbfounds me. I know I’m not worthy of his love and yet he offers it freely every day. There are no strings attached all I have to do is accept it.

Where we will go when we die is up to each one of us individually. It’s not up to our grandparents, our parents, or our siblings. It is a personal decision each one of us must make on our own. So where will you go—heaven or hell? Without Jesus there is no hope of eternal life in heaven. 

So the question is what must we do to be saved? Acts 16:31 states, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.” Jesus is the hope we all need--the One who brings life to our dying souls. Jeremiah 29:12-14 says, “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord.”

Jesus is calling your name today. He is calling you to himself, begging you to notice him and his all-encompassing love and compassion. If you can feel him calling you today and would like to answer, all it takes is for you acknowledging that he is God, that you are a sinner, and that you need his saving grace. Please listen to his call. He loves you so very much and he wants nothing more than to enfold you in his loving arms.

If you accepted him today I beg you to find a fellow Christ-follower and/or church. Choosing to follow him is just the first step. Just as young children need guidance and support so to do we. 

I would love to hear from any of you, whether you made a decision today or not. Maybe you have questions or just need someone to talk to. Either way I’m here to help or listen. If you would like to contact me my e-mail is maijamae@gmail.com. If you send me message please title it “Relentlessly Pursued” so I know it’s from you. I would feel horrible if I accidently deleted a message from someone thinking it was junk mail.

On a closing note I just want to let you know that once we’ve asked Jesus for forgiveness and invited him into our lives all our sins are forgiven and forgotten, but that doesn’t mean the scars from the past are gone. We may still be broken and hurting but Jesus will walk with us through the pain as we begin the healing process. Sometimes he sends people into our lives to walk with us through the pain and sometimes he tells us his grace is sufficient, but either way he won’t leave you alone to walk unaided.

Sin, Life, and Scars

             Imagine that a plague has swept the world and there is no known cure. The disease has already wiped out millions of people and it continues to kill millions of others every day. No one is spared from its devastating touch. You watch as friends and family members succumb to its deadly grasp knowing that soon, you too, will die. The devastating symptoms are already setting in and you imagine you can feel the cool touch of death brushing your neck. All hope seems lost until one day you hear of a vaccine that can cure the disease. Stories are circulating of those who received the vaccine and are now completely cured.

This rumor, for that’s all it is at present, shoots a bolt of hope through you. You immediately begin searching for any sign that this story could be the truth. You search for days following any lead you can find, until finally you discover the stories are indeed true. Now that you know the truth nothing will stop from you from getting this vaccine for yourself. You scrap everything you have together to pay for the medicine knowing that such a cure will probably cost you all you own; but when you get there you find the vaccine is free. All you had to do was show up and ask.

If this scenario was true wouldn’t you do anything to attain the medicine? Wouldn’t you stand in lines for days just for the hope that you might be one of the lucky ones to receive it? And if you received it wouldn’t you want to shout it from the rooftops? Wouldn’t you want to tell everyone about the wonder of this cure? How the power of it saved you from the very clutches of death. What I don’t imagine you doing is going home, locking yourself up inside, and never telling a soul. Such a huge life changing transformation would make us want to tell everyone we met about it and where to find it, especially our loved ones. 

If you had the knowledge to bring life back to the dying wouldn’t you? Because you do, right now, in the here and now. The world over is dying of a plague called SIN. It sweeps over the hearts and lives of men, women, and children. No one soul is spared from the ugliness of it. It brings only death, but in the darkness there is hope for there is a cure for this life consuming illness. Jesus is the cure. He came to be the remedy we all need so desperately.

So the question is why aren’t we sharing it? This joy is completely awe-inspiring and life changing and yet we never utter a word to a hurting and dying world. If this plague were real in the sense of the scenario above we’d be doing everything in our power to save those we know and probably even those we don’t.

            I’m sure this analogy has been used many times before, but I wanted to add something else. Sin leaves wounds—either ones we’ve caused to ourselves or ones caused by others. Sin can leave behind scars just as many diseases leave disabilities and scars in their wake. A lot of the time we see these as handicaps that God can’t use, but it is the broken spirit that he most often uses (2 Cor. 12:7-10). 

Most of us have become adept at hiding our wounds because they often leave us feeling vulnerable and defenseless. We put on our shells and build up our walls. But just because we hide our hurts doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Everyone has wounds; some of us just hide them better. Some are less severe than others, but everyone has scars that mar their hearts and souls. It’s impossible to escape them in this world. Some wounds may be mere scratches while others leave deep gashes through our very souls. The good news is that all wounds can be mended over time, but the truth is the deepest ones will always leave scars. They will be a part of who we are no matter how much we might wish otherwise. These scars may shape us and make us into something altogether different, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be healed, that we can’t be used. God can use these scars in ways we can’t even imagine. We may see ourselves as broken beyond repair, unusable for anything good, but God sees it so differently from us. 

The country duo, Thompson Square, sings something very similar to this in their song “Glass.” The chorus particularly speaks to the subject: 

We may shine,

We may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after.

We are fragile,

We are human,

We are shaped by the light we let through us.

We break fast

‘Cause we are glass.

We are shaped by the circumstances around us and so often those situations leave us feeling battered and bruised. Sometimes the hurt done to us is just too much and we’re left feeling as though we’re forever picking up the pieces; wondering if we’ll ever feel whole again. The problem is we’re fragile beings. Just as glass breaks easily so too do we; we are easily hurt and it’s hard to piece our hearts back together once they’ve been shattered. It doesn’t take much to splinter a mirror, a glass, or a window. Too much pressure and we’re left with spidery fingers spreading out across a formally perfect surface. Our hearts are very similar. It doesn’t take much and we’re left with scars that will always be there. 

            However, there is hope in our brokenness. Just as a beautiful mosaic or a breathtaking stain glass window is made from broken glass so too can we be made into something new and beautiful. Our brokenness doesn’t have to be the end- it could be just the beginning. It is in our brokenness that God truly works. He takes the weak and broken things of this world to truly let his glory shine forth for the world to see (1 Cor. 1:27-29).

            Just think of the all the people in the Bible that God used that we would have written off from the very beginning. Rahab was a prostitute. Joseph was betrayed by his brothers and sold as a slave. Not only that but he spent seven years in prison. David was an adulterer and murderer. Paul persecuted the church. The Woman at the Well had gone through 5 “husbands” and yet God used her to bring her town to himself. Everywhere you look in the Bible God is used broken people to work his purposes. 

            Notice how all of these people were broken before God chose to use in big ways them. They weren’t perfect, they definitely weren’t whole, and I’m sure there where days, maybe even years, where they felt as though the world was falling down around them.  That is the point though--we must be broken before the true work can begin. Psalm 51:16-17 states,“You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”

            A couple of months ago this point was brought up by someone in my parent’s church. She used the analogy of tilling her garden as a comparison to our lives; that just as the earth is broken to make it pliable and fertile, so too must we be broken. We can’t begin to plant our gardens until we break up the ground. Once it’s soft and pliable only then can we plant our seeds. It’s from this broken place that fresh vegetables and beautiful plants start. Just as these began someplace scared and broken and came out whole, so too can we. It is through the breaking of the soil that we receive new abundant life. Our scars are a great place for us to beginning growing. For from scars new life can begin and fresh things sprout.

It is also through our broken times that we grow closer to God. It is in time of pressure, hardship, and hurt and that we seek out the Lord the most. God gives us these times to test us (1 Peter 1:6-9), discipline us (Heb. 12:5-11), and bring us closer to him (Psalm 34:18). True these moments are not what we would have chosen, but they are needed for us to grow in him. 

In 2 Cor. 12:7-10 Paul pleads with the Lord to take away an affliction he is suffering from. The Lord responds and tells Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Instead of complaining Paul responds with a much more positive attitude. In verses 9-10 he writes, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I will delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” How many of us have this attitude when it comes to our own sufferings and hurts? We beg and plead with God to remove them, but maybe we’re looking at our problems the wrong way. Maybe we need to start seeing that God is at work and start rejoicing in what he is doing. It doesn’t mean the situation is going to be any easier, but the attitude we choose can change how we see the circumstances.

There is comfort in the pain though. God gives us many promises throughout scripture that he is with us through the pain. 

Psalm 34:18 states, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 9:9-10 “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

Jer. 29-11-14b “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.”

Isaiah 43:1b-3b “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

           1 Cor. 4:16-18 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

            All through the Bible God gives his promise to be with us through it all. The ups and downs, the high points and the low points, the deserts and oasis’, the storm and the calm, he’s going to stick with us through it all. Nowhere we go is outside of his reach (Ps 139:1-18).

            God is going to be with us in the breaking and in the healing and he’s going to use the experience to bring glory to his name (1 Cor. 1:26-29, 2 Cor. 12:7-10). We just have to learn to be pliable even when we don’t understand and it hurts like crazy.

 "GLASS" by Thompson Squared

Growing Pains

“Life is a desperate quest through dangerous country to a destination that is, beyond all our wildest hopes, indescribably good.”
-Anonymous

The journey of getting to know the God who is relentlessly pursuing us is a life changing procedure. Throughout it all he is molding us, changing us, and making us into his image.  It’s not easy nor is it a simple process. It’s going to be hard and it’s going to painful.  

I think I started this journey not realizing that. I should have known. I mean I’ve always accepted that growing in the Lord can be painful.  It’s a teaching that has been ground into me since I was young. Jesus even said in John 15 that just as the farmer prunes away the old, the dead, and the diseased parts of a vine in order to bring a better healthier life to it, so too does he prune us in order to make us more like him day by day.

When I started on this journey of learning to see God as the ultimate prince and lover of my soul, I only saw the glory and wonder of it. I could see that I was drawing nearer to the heart of God and it was changing me, but I still hadn’t felt the pain of growth yet. I was living in rose tinted world where everything seemed wonderful. I knew I was on the mountain top and I was loving it, but I knew the low was lurking around the corner and I was afraid for the valley to come. But time passed and the valley never came. Sure there are little bumps in the road, like forgetting to read my Bible, finding time each day to spend with God, or maybe a sin would pop up that I would fight God on for a while, but overall everything was great and I was growing. I began to think that the valley was never coming. That maybe I’d hit a plateau and everything would remain the way it was. I was content with that. I loved how things going and had no desire for them to change.

But the valley did come, and let me tell you it’s not easy to make sure I’m reading my bible or making time for God when it seems as though nothing changes. That no matter how much I give nothing is given back.  I know that God is still there and that even in the desert we grow, but it’s hard to see that when we’re going through it. Honestly, giving time to God has probably been harder because I’ve been depressed. I don’t know if the depression has come from hitting the valley or if the valley was caused by the depression. I’ve hit brief patches of depression before but manage to bounce back pretty quickly. This time is different though. I don’t really understand how, but I know it is.

I’m not suicidal only that some mornings it’s hard to get out of bed. Sometimes I’d rather just sleep my day away--at least I don’t have to deal with the world that way. Joy is harder to find, but I search for ways to find it. Sometimes the only thing I can do is pray for God to change my attitude and help me find joy in my day. This is a time in my life where I must learn to lean on God. He’s the one that gets me through the day. He knows my hurts and how desperately I need him.

I’m not sharing this because I want sympathy or because it’s a cry for help. Honestly I wasn’t even going to share this at all when I started writing today, and yet, somehow it’s worked its way in and I can’t help but think that God wanted me to share it.  In the end I’m glad because this low period is still a part of my journey on this grand voyage. A part that’s integral in my growth.

I am grateful for this valley because it’s teaching me to lean on God more. To know that he is there even when I can’t feel him. That no matter how weak I feel he is the shoulder I can lean on and no matter how bad I feel God is still Lord of all. Everything is in his hands and I can rest in that knowledge. Life happens and this is just a part of it. I know in that in time it will pass. Maybe not today or even next week, but someday soon it will pass.

I just have to realize that just like any journey there’s going to ups and downs, highs and lows. There’s going to be days were I encounter unyielding deserts, seemingly uncrossable oceans, and storms that rage, but I know that despite these moments I’m also going to find the good, the refreshing, and the uplifting times as well. 

Through it all I know I can say

 

BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD

For he is unfailing good.

Distractions

When my sister, Molly, was little my family would go often go skiing at the local ski resort.  On this particular trip Molly, who was 6 at the time, was skiing with my mom and younger sister Amy. During one of their trips up the hill they ran into my brother Micaiah and some of their friends. When Molly saw them all together she decided she wanted to go with them instead of with Mom. Mom, however, wanted her to stay with her and Amy so she told her no. Molly didn’t like this to much so when Mom wasn’t looking she took off with Micaiah and her friends.  

Now you have to understand Molly is typically a very obedient and complacent child, which is why this behavior was very unexpected. I’m sure in those moments when my mom realized that Molly was gone she immediately felt that sick, sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that only comes from losing a child. For anyone who’s lost a child, no matter how short a duration, those feelings will be remembered as the most horrible, gut-wrenching feelings they’ve ever experienced, it’s a moment forever etched in memory. 

My mom searched those hills top to bottom trying to find my sister and when she finally did, she found Molly in tears. Molly knew that what she had done was wrong and the guilt was eating away at her. She told Mom through her tears that she was sorry and that she knew she was wrong.  Mom was of course happy to have found Molly and also happy to know that Molly had realized that what she had done was wrong and was remorseful for having disobeyed.

I think this story applies to many of our lives. We tend to leave God because we see something we want more. We’re easily distracted by life’s pleasures and promises.  In the movie “UP,” Dug, a talking dog, is speaking to another character with great enthusiasm. While talking he is distracted mid-sentence by a squirrel and suddenly shouts out. He doesn’t care that he is talking only that something interesting caught his eye. Just like Dug we’re easily distracted from our relationship with God. Something interesting crosses our view and suddenly all it’s all we can think about. Just like Molly we leave God for the something we think we desire more (maybe not always intentionally), but really all we need and want is him. Without him we find we’re lost and alone even among those we know. The good news is that while we may have left him, he never left us. He still there just waiting for us to turn around and run back into his arms.

Remind Me Who I Am

~~ I sit on the garden bench waiting for him. Normally I am happy and excited for him to arrive, but today I am nervous, and yes, a little scared. For I have done something shameful and I have broken his trust. I know I must confess, but he must already know. How could he not?  In agitation I begin to pace. I am torn between wanting him to show and hoping that he doesn’t. If he doesn’t come I won’t have to face what I have done but I know that if he doesn’t it will be all I can think about.

There! I hear his soft footsteps on the grass. As he comes around the last shrub I am half turned away, poised to flee at the slightest hint of anger. He comes and stands before me and for several tension filled moments silence reigns. Finally he speaks and the pain I hear in his voice breaks my heart. Tears course down my face. I managed to choke out that I am sorry and I beg for his forgiveness. 

I feel a feather light stroke on my hair and I hear his soft voice uttering the three words I long to hear-- I forgive you. 

Those three little words should be enough, but I find no relief. He may have forgiven me, but I have yet to forgive myself. I turn to flee for his presence is too hard to bear at present. He reaches out a hand to grasp arm, to bring me back to him, but I shrug it off and disappear behind the gate.~~

A couple of weeks ago I crawled in to bed and sent up my normal nightly prayer. I hurriedly asked that God would keep us safe during the night and that I would have peaceful and restful night of sleep.  I shied away from anything more than that because I was afraid, insecure, and ashamed.

 I knew that I had disobeyed God, and while, I had gone before God, confessed my sin, and asked for his forgiveness I felt as though I was repeating the same sins over and over again. It was as if I was in a vicious circle that went around and around and never ended. I knew that God forgives us and casts our sins as far as the east is from the west, but how could he keep forgiving me? Yes, I was truly sorry for what I had done and I was prepared to accept his discipline, but surely there was an end to his patience and forgiveness. So in my humiliation and pain I chose to avoid God. Afraid of what I would find if I let myself back into his presence.  So I shut him out, put my headphones in, and turned on my music. 

God, however, had other plans. He had been whispering into my heart for a while, asking me to stop running, but I had ignored his whispers to insecure and angry at myself to listen. But in my hurried attempts to avoid God I forgot one very important fact. He wasn’t going to sit passively by waiting for me shape up and listen. No, he was going to keep on doing what he’s always done—relentlessly pursuing me. That is the beauty of God’s all-consuming love--he fights for us even when we feel we’re not worth fighting for. So even though I shut God out he still found a way to creep back in. 

That night as I turned my music on a song began to play that I had never heard before. From the very first verse I could hear God speaking to me and for once I listened. The song was entitled “Remind Me Who I am” by Jason Gray. In the song he sings, 

When I lose My way,
And I forget my name,
Remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see,
Is who I don't wanna be,
Remind me who I am.
In the loneliest places,
When I can't remember what grace is.

Chorus:
Tell me once again who I am to you.
Who I am to you.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to you.
That I belong to you.
To you.

Verse 2:
When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home,
Remind me who I am.
When I can't receive your love,
Afraid I'll never be enough,
Remind me who I am.
If I am your beloved,
Can you help me believe it.

Those words pierced my soul. I had forgotten what grace looked like and I had been running far from home. I was having a hard time receiving God’s love because I felt I wasn’t, nor would I ever be, enough. God saw things differently though and he wanted to remind me of it.  For no matter where I go or what I do I WILL ALWAYS BELONG TO HIM. Those words hit me like a mac truck. How could I have forgotten that? 

God used the song to reach into my heart and make me pay attention to him. I needed to be reminded of who I was in him. That no matter what I did, no matter where I went, I would always be his beloved. Just because I am faithless doesn’t mean he is (Rom 3:3). Even in my sin and shame he is always faithful. God’s character and how he acts towards me is not based on my faithfulness towards him. I can grieve him and break his heart but that won’t change his love, his very character. He has always and will always remain faithful to me even when I am faithless.

Since that night God has teaching me about grace. Grace is not deserved in any sort of way. It is a gift that is given freely. It is not something I can earn or buy my way towards. I know that, I’ve always known that, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling as though I need to prove myself to him. Sure I’ll come before him and confess my wrongs, but I don’t feel free to spend time with him until I’ve proven that I can conquer the sin. Somehow I always seem to forget that I am sinful creature and no matter how hard I try I am always going to commit some form wrong at some point or another. I cannot beat this. It is the reality of being a part of a fallen world.

At some point I realized that I had been imagining God coming to meeting me in the garden of my soul. Once there he would tell me that I needed work on a certain area of my life. Just before he leaves he turns around and informs me that once I’ve fixed this area then I may come back and look for him. I believe this is a vicious lie that Satan has placed in my life in order to separate me from the God who longs to help me. Yes, he asks me to clean up parts of my life, to change those things that don’t honor him, but he doesn’t leave me alone to accomplish the task. He stays by my side to encourage and help me through the often painful ordeal.

Lately I haven’t felt as though I’ve really allowed God to work in my life, but as I write this I’m coming to the realization of how much he’s been teaching me. It’s amazing how much he touches my life even when I’m a stubborn, annoying, and willful child. I honestly can say that I could never put into words how much he truly loves me and I am humbled by that realization. To realize that the almighty God loves me more than words and actions can say even when I am horrible wretch in need of his saving grace.

~~ I enter the garden hesitantly afraid that he will be there and rebuff me. I peer around a shrub only to see him sitting on the bench quietly staring off into space. My heart sinks a little, but I know must go forward. So I take a deep breath and slowly slink around the bush until I am fully in garden. I no longer have anything to hide behind and I am terrified. Suddenly he looks up and sees me standing there hesitantly. I imagine I resemble a rabbit poised to flee at the slightest hint of danger. But instead of the anger or indifference I expect to find a radiant smile breaks out on his face. He stands and opens his arms wide beckoning me to come to his warmth and love. With a sob of relief I launch myself into arms and there I find the refuge, love, joy and  relief I’ve been searching for. He whispers quietly, so quietly I almost miss it, “Welcome home Beloved.” ~~

"The Well" by Casting Crowns

I LOVE this song! The words fit perfectly with what God is has been teaching me! I could listen to it over and over!!!!

The Heart of God

Originally Posted Feb 10, 2012

She’s a little girl who seems to come

from the perfect family, but at home

her parents fight and she cries inside

for the love of a father that’s never shown.

She’s older now and a model student.

She always brings home the perfect grades

and she’s class president.

She’s the perfect child, 
yet no one knows she cries inside.
All she wants is

someone to notice the pain she bears

Years have gone by, she’s a mother now

and her husband's left her. She works

at a diner in town. The church folk come

in every Sunday after church.

They’re so engrossed in discussing that mornings

sermon they fail to notice that behind her smiling facade

she cries inside.

Will anyone notice that beneath the

perfect exterior lies a bleeding battered soul?

A soul desperately seeking for someone, anyone,

to notice.

Jesus is reaching out his hands for her,

and upon his face tears flow for her,

yet no one cares to look deeper.

I recently found this written on a piece of paper as I went through some old papers from my teenage years. As I read it, I could barely stop myself from crying. It reminded me so much of the Woman from the Well.  She (the girl above) was so thirsty, so desperate for someone to notice her pain and take action and yet no one cared to look deeper then the surface. How often do we do this in our lives? Maybe we see the pain but it’s too much of a discomfort to reach out and say something. I know I’m guilty of this and yet Jesus’ heart is bleeding right aside hers and asking that I respond. That I step outside of my comfort zone and DO something.

The girl I wrote about in the above story was never someone I had met or even a particular story I had heard. Instead, it was something that I had observed from the world around me. The stories I heard, the people I saw, the TV shows I watched. People are hurting everywhere you look. They’re thirsty and desperately seeking anything that will quench it, but the only thing that can quench the thirst is Christ. If we’re not taking action and showing the way to the living water then who is?

 Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people,  “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” They came out of the town and made their way toward him.

 Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.”

 But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”

 Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?”

 “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.  Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.

-John 4:28-38

My heart breaks for women like one above. For the Women at the Well, for Leah, for Tamar, and countless women like them. I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t even read their stories without crying. Life wasn’t kind to these women and it makes my heart hurt for them, but I also rejoice through my tears because I can see how God reached out to each of them individually. How great his love was for these women who were, on so many occasions, forgotten and tossed aside. He was their Prince Charming where life’s Prince Charmings had failed. He loved them so deeply and perfectly that tears threaten every time I think about it.

Now that I catch these glimpses of God’s love and desire for us it physically hurts my heart to see women who are throwing all their hopes and dreams on flawed men who can never live up to what God has to offer.  When women stay with men who hurt and abuse them, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally all I want to do is show them Jesus and how awesome his love is for them. That they are worth so much more.  He is standing there with arms wide open just waiting for them to take notice.

God uses everyone differently and I believe he calls each of us to different things, but I think God must being calling me to these women for my heart to hurt this much over their pain.  The idea of it scares me because I have no idea how he can use me. But I know that as long as I’m pliable in his hands he will use me where he wants. I just need to listen and obey even when I have to step outside of my comfort zone. But hey, some of life’s greatest stories exist outside of our comfort zones!

Today my challenge to anyone who reads this, is not to walk and away and forget what you’ve read but to actively look at what God is doing in your life.  What is he asking you to do? Is it hard and maybe even daunting? Is it outside your comfort zone? Maybe all he’s asking for right now is your time– time spent with him. He can use you best when you’re spending time with him. He may not be touching your heart the same way he’s touching mine, but he is definitely at work in some way, you just have to listen.

"Does Anybody Hear Her"  By Casting Crowns

The Woman at the Well- Part B

 Originally Posted on Jan 18, 2012

*This is a continuation of the original blog (seen below) entitled “Woman at the Well”*

This chapter humbles me in way I can hardly explain. Here was woman hurting, forsaken and ridiculed by those around her, and yet Jesus reaches out and draws her in. He searches her out and touches her heart wanting to heal her wounds.

            This was a woman that I would probably have walked right on by without a thought. A woman that I would have heard gossip about and thought to myself, “Wow, I’m glad that’s not me.” I probably wouldn’t have made an effort to get to know her, let alone notice the hurt inside. Yet Jesus stopped, as the world went on around them, and drew her to himself. Seeking to heal the hurt he could see so clearly in her eyes. Her reputation never stopped him, in fact it probably drew him to her. He was always spending time with the less desirable people in society. He knew they were the most aware of their thirst, of their need for him. What they were and where they had been played no part in how Jesus saw them; he was only concerned with the state of their hearts, just as he is with each one of us.

I sit here with tears in my eyes as I think about this woman alone and hurting and yet I ignore those around me every day who are just like her. I sit in my semi-perfect little world so glad that Jesus offers me the living water every day, never caring if others are finding the same water. How can I sit so complacently by when hearts are bleeding? How can I ignore when people are thirsty and searching? ….. How can I?

I know the following scripture is about Jesus, but is has always touched my heart and I felt that it fit here.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners.

-Isaiah 61:1

The Woman at the Well

Originally posted on Jan 8, 2012

John 4:1-42

            For the last couple of months I’ve been drawn to the story of the Woman at the Well over and over. I don’t really know why except that God must have something to teach to me. All I know is that I could read this passage over and over. Something in it just pulls me in and it amazes me the things God is showing me. Things I had never thought of before. I still have a lot from to learn from it, but I wanted to share a few things that God has been opening my heart to.

            This passage got me thinking about what life was like for this woman. It’s a short chapter so there’s not a lot of information.  You have to look between the lines a little to catch a glimpse of her life and even then its only speculation. What I’ve written below only gives an idea of what I think she was thinking and feeling.

Now he had to go through Samaria. ⁵ So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. ⁶ Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon.

             ⁷ When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” ⁸ (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

-John 4:4-8

One commentator states that there several wells closer to town but she headed for the furthest one. It makes me wonder why. Was she trying to avoid the other women as they headed for the well? Here was a woman who had been divorced five times and now she was living with a man who was not her husband. She had been kicked aside so many times, had been told over and over that she wasn’t wanted. She probably thought she wasn’t good for much and didn’t deserve more then she had out of life.

If anyone had asked her ten, fifteen years ago if she’d be living with a man outside marriage she would have emphatically said no, but life had happened and it had worn away at the woman she had been.  In its place, it had left a woman scarred and broken. To the world, she showed a woman who didn’t care what people thought. She told herself it was easier that way, it hurt less. It didn’t matter that it was lie, that deep inside she bled every time they taunted or ignored her, when men dropped her on the wayside as soon as they found something better.  All that really mattered was that no one saw how deeply they’d wounded her. She may not have acknowledged it but deep inside, under the all scars, all she really wished for was for someone to want and need her, but life had taught her dreams never come true. So she moved through life putting up walls in an unsuccessful attempt to stop the world from hurting her again.

Life passed by, and then on one ordinary day at an ordinary well, Jesus showed up.  He knew about her before he ever showed up at that well. He knew about her heartrending pain. How her life seemed to stretch out before her like a barren wasteland. How everyday it was an effort just put one foot in front of the other. How little by little she was dying of thirst, never knowing how to quench its fire. But Jesus knew the answer and so he came and met her in the everyday moments of her life.

She woke up that day and went about life just as she did every day; nothing extraordinary happened that morning to warn her life would never be the same. At noon she headed for the well avoiding the other women, it’s not as if they’d talk to her anyway, even if they did it would only be cutting remarks. 

Finally, after a long trek, she reaches the well only to find a man, a Jew, sitting on the edge of the well. She cringes inside and considers for a moment coming back later, but she knows she needs the water. She doesn’t relish the thought of the long walk back, only to come back again later, so she hefts her jug higher and heads for the well. She keeps her head down and walks quickly to the opposite side of the well.

“Could I have a drink?” a voice speaks. The woman looks up in confusion looking around for the person he is speaking to only to realize there is no one there but her and the man.  She cautiously speaks to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?”

Let’s pause for a moment and look at what Jesus was doing. He didn’t jump in and start cramming his message down her throat; instead, he draws her attention with a question. It doesn’t seem like much but he knew it’d get her attention. Here was a man, a Jew, asking a Samaritan, a woman no less, for a drink of water. Jews didn’t talk to Samaritans, especially not a woman. But now that he had her attention, he could slowly draw her in and capture her curiosity before leading her to the ultimate goal– her need for God.

I can just imagine the thoughts racing through her head as she stared at him incredulously, “Why was this man asking me for a drink? Why is he even talking to me? Was he crazy? Should I run? If I scream, will anyone hear me? WHAT is going on?!  Maybe, even as these thoughts raced through her head, she edges a little further away from him.

To her surprise, Jesus speaks to her AGAIN! “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

Well settles that she decides. He really is crazy! He’s talking about some “living water,” what is that? I mean he doesn’t even have a bucket! (I wonder if Jesus chuckled a little inside at that moment knowing what was going through her head?) And so she scoffs, “Sir you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?”

I imagine he smiled at her as he spoke, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

This draws her attention, despite her belief he might be a little crazy. If such water did exist, she would never have to haul water again and best of all she’d never have to encounter the women on her way either!

Jesus knew about this desire, but while he cared about her physical wants and desires, he cared more about the spiritual and emotional. He knew he could fulfill the greater thirst within her, her thirst to be accepted for who she was flaws and all. She wanted an unconditional love and as he sat on that dusty well, that is what he offered her.  Here was a woman no one wanted, a woman no one wanted to associate with, and yet he started up a conversation with her because he cared. He loved her despite the scars, insecurities, anger, and the hidden and not so hidden sins. He wanted to fill her barren life with abundance and goodness. And so he reached out and offered the one thing that would give life to that landscape--his living water.

Despite this, he knows she still doesn’t understand so he tells her to go and bring her husband.

Instantly shame fills her and she hangs her head a little lower. She can barely get the words out past the shame blocking her throat. “I have no husband,” she tells him.

“I know,” says the man “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

She blushes in shame and wishes the ground would open up and swallow her. But wait, she pauses. How could he know? He is a stranger here, how does he know these things about her? Her eyes widen in shock, could it be that he is a prophet? Could she be standing here talking to a prophet of God?!

Jesus stopped in the middle of the busyness of life to reach out to a woman desperately thirsty for God.  He knew her need and dropped everything for her. I like how Amy Nappa says it in her book “Thirsty”:

“It’s almost as if Jesus made a note in his appointment book: ‘Thursday, meet the woman at the well. Don’t be late.’…  He went out of his way to wait for her. And he does the same for you and me today, finding us in those unexpected places and moments.

Why did God choose that day, and that place, to open the floodgates of heaven and pour out his love into her soul? To let her go thirsty through so many years of heartbreak and husbands and debasement before her community of peers? I honestly don’t know. Who knows why God does anything, really? But I do know this: He came. And when she wasn’t there, he waited patiently for her until her own need drove her straight to his presence. And he met her, of all places, by the side of an ancient, dirty, much used, mundane, grimy well.”

He is meeting us in the everyday moments of our lives, seeking to fill the thirst we have.  Each of us broken inside in some way or another, each of us has a barren waste land that we travel , even if we don’t always knowledge it. Jesus is waiting there beside his well of living water for us to come to him in the midst of our busy day so he can pour that living water out on our dry parched life.

I find that in my life I tend to walk by that well over and over without ever stopping. I think I’m doing fine. I don’t feel my thirst until I stop for a sip and realize that I’m thirstier then I realized. So please stop for moment and let Jesus fill up the dry parched landscape of your life. Trust me when I say the encounter with Jesus is worth more than anything else you might be missing as you stop in the midst of your busy life. He’s sitting there patiently waiting; will you stop and let him fill you up?

There is so much more to this story. So much more her story, to what she learned, and how Jesus used her to bring her small town to himself, but I’m going to stop here for now. Hopefully in the near future I’ll get to the rest of her story!

“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13

Learning to Let Go

Originally Posted Aug 17, 2011

“Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self—in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.”
                                                                          –C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

Painful but true. I think the hardest part is realizing I have to give up my all of my wants and wishes and dreams. The very things that make me me, but that’s what he asking.  I have to give everything I am, everything I hoped for, every plan I’ve made  because if I don’t I’m not truly following, listening, or changing. He’s either Lord of all or Lord of none so I must learn to endure the painful in order to truly understand and enjoy what he is offering.

But to understand that I am to give up everything is a very staggering concept. The very things that I hold dear, the things that are mine and mine alone, he’s asking for them. He’s standing there with his hand out stretch waiting for me to place them in his palm, yet all I can do is grasp them even tighter to my chest and wonder to myself how I can I possibly give these up? How can I give up what I perceive to be the very essence of myself? (Conveniently ignoring the fact that they are not nor have they ever been). In a way, I feel that they are the very things that prop me up and keep me going.  I’m afraid that if I let them go I will fall.  So the question becomes am I willing to let it all go and trust that God will catch me when I fall? Even then I imagine that when he catches me it will hurt because I the things that I have built around me are being torn away.

Am I willing to do this?  To stand through the fire as He remolds me into something new? Sometimes I think I’m frightened to let go because I’m afraid that the new self with new hopes, and plans, and dreams will not be as wonderful as the old ones. I know this is an untruth but Satan slips in there and whispers his lies and because I’m so desperately afraid I cling to them and tell God that there’s no way the other side of the pain could be better. It is said that sometimes the fear of pain is often worse than the actual pain itself. I think that’s case as I stand here desperately holding onto my hopes and dreams, just as child holds onto the dirty tattered remains of a beloved blanket. I’m more afraid of the idea of pain then the actuality of it. But when placed in contrast to the pain suffered on the cross how can I not suffer for a little while in light of what he’s done for me? Besides I’m promised that the other side so much better than I can imagine. I just have to learn to let go.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.