Through Fire and Water

            
   

             Ever wonder what God is doing? Why he seems to sit up in heaven and dictate that horrible things happen? Life seems to being going good when WHAM! he hits us with problem after problem. So we sit here down on our knees pushed there by circumstances out of our control looking to heaven with confusion and hurt. Why God? we question. Why must these things happen? Life seems to fall down around us causing us to bend beneath the weight of a load we feel incapable of bearing. This is usually the point where tears spill and our trust in God is tested. 

            A month ago I sat before the computer writing a post about trust. At the time I felt a measure of pride in the fact that I had learned to trust God with the future of my heart. I’d handed it over to him trusting he’d take care of it. See, I thought, I’m really doing great in the trust department, but in the process of writing about trusting God to handle our futures I realized that while I may have trusted him with my heart I wasn’t trusting him with the everyday ins and outs of my life.

            As is the case when God begins to work in my life every little thing seemed to test my trust in his sovereignty over my life. The noises that go bump in the night ate away at my nerves, money ran tighter then I’d planned, and million other small things piled on top of each other.

The Sunday before Christmas I sat in church debating whether or not I should give my tithe for the current paycheck because I knew there was no way I could make both it and rent.  But as I sat there I felt God asking me if I trusted him. 

“Yes,” I argued, “but money is tight and it would only be this one pay check.” 

“Do you trust me?” He asked again

“Yes God, but-”

“Miranda, do you trust me? “

How do you argue against the creator of the universe? Unwilling to admit I might not trust him as much as I wished I gave my tithe hoping against hope that he would come through and meet my needs. A small part of me was excited to see what God would do. Would he somehow make extra money appear? Cover my rent in some hitherto unseen way? I waited for over a week, half in hope, half in fear, that he would meet my needs. Rent was due Tuesday, payday was still 3 days way and nothing had changed save that my bank account was little smaller and my faith, thankfully, a little stronger. During that time I prayed that God would delay the cashing of the check until at least Friday morning so that my paycheck would cover the deficit. I turned my check in and trusted God. Then Wednesday morning my car went up in smoke.

            Actual literal smoke that billowed out of my hood making me a little afraid the whole thing was about to go up in flames. Thankfully no flames occurred but my car was toast, or at least toast until I could a new radiator. I’d known it was on its way out but I’d been praying and hoping it’d hold out long enough for me to get taxes back so I could afford to replace it. 

            I stood next to my car in the falling snow and freezing temperatures trying with all my will-power to trust God knew what he was doing. I told myself I wouldn’t cry because I knew God was in control and he had a reason for the demise of my car, but after several failed attempts to get ahold of someone to help me or at least give me advice (namely my dad and a mechanic friend) I broke down and cried. I sat on my couch telling myself over and over that I didn’t need to cry but the tears refused to stop. Honestly though, I think the tears helped. I figuratively rested my head on God’s shoulder and cried out my frustration and lack of understanding knowing that he understood my problems.

            Before the whole smoking car incident I’d been headed out to my favorite coffee shop to work on some posts I’d been having trouble writing. I’d spent that morning praying that God would give me the right words to effectively get the message I wanted to portray across. Only I never made it there. So instead of sitting at a table drinking coffee I sat in my dirty living room sipping tea and struggling to understand the way God works. In between trying to make calls and trying not to cry it suddenly occurred to me that God may have caused my car to die because it would make a great illustration and because he wanted me to learn to trust him. At the thought I burst into hysterical laughter punctuated by bursts of tears. I laughed because I could totally see God procuring such plan and I cried for the exact same reason.

            I’ll be the first to admit I don’t understand the way God works. He knew I was already having money problems and yet he allowed my car to break down. My ONLY car. And yet over the next week of waiting for it to be fixed he met my every need. I rarely work day shifts and yet I had three that week making it easier to find rides to and from work, there was a special on rental cars so I was able to rent a car for three days for the less than half the regular price, I had my first Friday off in over six months, it was my weekend off, and last but not least, my dad was able to find a radiator for less than a $100 plus he drove 2 ½ hours just to replace it. God worked in the midst of my problem to show that he was faithful to meet my needs even when I failed to fully trust his wisdom. 

            However, God apparently wasn’t done teaching me to trust him. As Dad worked on my car, the following Wednesday, I discovered that I have some health issues I had no idea existed. I now have doctor’s appointments and tests coming up, but I believe this is just one more test placed in my path by God. Each week it seems as though something progressively worse happens but I have choice. I can sit in worry and doubt or I can choose to trust that God has my life in his hands. I much prefer to trust. It comes with less worry and less stress. 

            God has a plan. A plan I can’t see or understand, but all he’s asking is that I fully give each day to him trusting that whether I fall or rise he’s in control. I don’t believe that my health issues will come to anything, but on the off chance that they do I’m going to trust that he has a direction he’s headed and I’m just along for the ride. A journey that is indescribably good even with the ups and downs life delivers. 

            A couple of weeks ago I read Psalm 66 and three verses caught my attention. I wasn’t even sure why except something in them tugged at my heart. I considered writing a post on them, but as I didn’t fully understand what God was trying to say to me through them I left it alone, but almost daily I would go back and read them finding comfort in the words. 

            In the last week I’ve come to the conclusion that God gave them to me because he knew what he was about to do in my life and that I would need the encouragement they brought and as such I believe they fit perfectly with the message of this post.

Psalm 66:10-12

For you, O God, tested us;

you refined us like silver.

You brought us into prison

and laid burdens on our backs.

You let men ride over our heads;

we went through fire and water,

but you brought us to a place of

abundance.

Remember the first paragraph? The one where we feel overburdened with a load we cannot bear? We get to that point because we NEED to be at that point. We get there because God wants us to be past our capabilities because he wants us to realize we need him. We’re not promised a life of ease. God is going to send us through the hard times to refine us and make us more like him. There are going to be situations in life that make us feel as though we’ve been beat down but that’s because we aren’t letting God bear the burden. We’re trying to get through on our own and we’re failing miserably leaving us feeling wrung out and tired, incapable of dealing with anything else. 

For most of us he has asked us to walk paths we never thought we’d walk. Life has a way of turning out completely different then the way we’d planned. There are always turns and bumps in the road we never expect and sometimes the road leads us somewhere we never intended to be.

For some it might be the marriage that didn’t turn out the way they’d hoped or maybe it’s the relationship that never happened (i.e. singleness). For other’s it could be an abusive relationship, the loss of a child, an illness that ravages themselves or a loved one, or the loss of a much need job. 

            Life sometimes feels like it’s beating us down until there’s nothing left to beat out of us. We feel lost and out of control and we want nothing more than for life to return to normal. Where loved ones are well, a regular paycheck is coming in, and our relationships are healthy and normal. Only life doesn’t always work that way. We set our plans but the Lord’s prevails. 

I admit, don’t always like the Lord’s plans. In fact sometimes I think they down right stink. But I also know that his ways are higher than mine and just because I’m stuck in a moment (or years) where I don’t like what he’s doing doesn’t mean that the end result isn’t a good one. Chances are I probably won’t understand a lot of what he’s doing until I get to heaven but that just means I need to learn to trust. Trust that he loves me, trust that wants the best for me, and trust that he works good for me. In the midst of trials sometimes it’s hard to see that God has a plan that could ever come to good, but his ways are not our ways and because of that we can’t always see or understand where he’s going. 

Going back to Psalm 66 the first time I read it I thought the “place of abundance” meant he’d bring us to a physical place of abundance, but I’ve come to understand that while God can lead us to a place of physical comfort and plenty, what it really means is that in the midst of trial we will come to find that God offers the richness of his joy, comfort, and peace within our souls. It’s not a physical state but rather a spiritual one. One I’d take most days over any riches this world can offer, not to say there aren’t going to be days where I just want to enjoy earthly pleasures, but the joy and peace of God offers far more than this world ever could.

In conclusion I just want to say my rent check wasn’t cashed until I got paid (thank you God!) and I can’t wait (said somewhat sarcastically) to see what he has planned for next week! ;) Also it was pointed out to me that I was spending money on coffee when I had rent to pay. For anyone who noticed the same thing I just want to say I had a gift card. :)  

Isaiah 43:1-3b

But now, this is what the Lord says—

he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

 the flames will not set you ablaze.

 For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Leaving Heaven- Matthew West

I wanted to write something for Christmas this year, but I haven't really had anything on my heart regarding a message this Christmas. I've been working on something else and I felt God was leading me to stick to it for the time being. I heard this song on the radio the other day and I thought in lieu of writing something I would share it instead! This season don't forget who its really about!
Merry Christmas!

The Hand of God

            In light of Tuesday’s election and hurricane Sandy I thought this post particularly fitting. I first wrote it down on paper months ago when tragedy seemed to hit our nation over and over again. This past Wednesday I felt God prodding me to complete it. I hope the words he graced me with help others as much as they helped me.

            Lately there has been a lot of talk about how God’s hand has been lifted from our nation and in light of the many tragedies that have befallen our nation in the last year alone it is easy to think they might be right. 

            I must confess this utterly terrifies me. Why? For several reasons: 1.) I hate the thought of being hurt or losing the things I love (whether they are things or, even more importantly, loved ones), 2.) I hate not being in control and ironically when the world is spinning out of control there is very little control to be found, 3.) I hate to think that we’ve finally gone far enough that God has forsaken us. The thought that we no longer have his protection sinks fear into my heart. I’ve always taken it for granted and now the thought of it being gone scares me through and through, and 4.) I am a worrier by nature even though I try hard not to be. 

            I wrote the above last July right after a horrible storm came through the town I live in. Just hours before I had sat alone and scared in our basement desperately praying we’d all be alright.  That night as I lay on the couch to afraid to sleep God gently spoke into my terrified heart. 

            God reminded me, as I lay in there in the dark sweltering in 100 degree heat, that I can never be plucked from his hand (John 10:28-30). Even though he may remove his hand from our nation it doesn’t mean he’s removed it from his children. 

            We are promised that he is with those who love him.  In Romans 8:28 we are reassured that God works for the good of those who love him, who were called by him. Promises like this abound all through Scripture. Scriptures like,

Psalm 56:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” 

Psalm 34:4, 7-8 “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”

Psalm 33:18-19 “But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.”

Matthew 10:28-31 “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.  Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

But here’s the thing, just because we’re promised God’s protection and hand on our life doesn’t mean that we will live a life of ease as others go through the hard times. Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, sold in to slavery, and sent to prison, Noah was ridiculed for years only to see everything he knew washed away, Moses had to deal with a whiny wishy-washy nation, Job had everything taken from him, Elijah suffered through a famine, Paul was thrown in prison, flogged, shipwrecked, and stoned, and most of the disciples died horrible deaths.

 I don’t know if they ever questioned God and what he was doing, but what I do know is they never lost faith in the God who promised he’d be with them through the famine and through the abundant times

The life of following God is fraught with perils but it is through the hard times that we truly learn to lean on him.  James chapter 1 warns us that we will go through trials but it also encourages us to find joy in them for by the testing of our faith we are developing perseverance so that we may lack nothing (vs 3-4 paraphrased). These trials are blessings in disguise for in them we learn what it means to need God completely. Most of them time we go through life knowing that we need him but never truly leaning on him except in moments of greatest need. A time is coming when we will need him more than we ever have before. A time that we, as Christians in America, have never seen. Oppression may be on the horizon but our darkest hours are also our greatest because they are the moments where we learn to fully draw on God causing our roots to grow deep.

The purpose me writing this today was not meant to produce warm fuzzy feelings or for us to think that we are safe from the wrath of God. I honestly believe this not the case. I think that we must stand and face the consequences of a nation who has turned from God just as Daniel, Meshach, Shadrach, and Abednego did when they were taken into captivity along with the rest of the people of Israel. 

Just because we obey and follow God doesn’t mean we are safe. What it does mean is that we have a hope for the future (Jer 29:11) and a reassurance in a God who promised to never leave us or forsake us (Deut 31:6). He will stand with us through the fire and through the storm just he stood with Meshach, Shadrach, and Abednego.                                                                                               

Isaiah 43:1-3b

         But now, this is what the Lord says—
                he who created you, Jacob,
               he who formed you, Israel:
                  “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
                     I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
                     When you pass through the waters,
                 I will be with you;
                    and when you pass through the rivers,
                        they will not sweep over you.
                     When you walk through the fire,
               you will not be burned;
                the flames will not set you ablaze.
                   For I am the Lord your God,
               the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

           

The thought of God’s wrath coming upon our nation is a scary one but he has not called us to a life of fear but one of freedom in him (Josh 1:9; 1 John 4:16-18). In 2 Timothy Paul writes to remind Timothy that God has not given his children a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and discipline (2 Tim 1:7 paraphrased). We can choose to live in fear but all of the worry in the world won’t change anything (Luke 12:22-31). Once God’s plans are set the only one who can change them is God himself. Psalm 33:9-11 states that the plans of the Lord stand firm forever and the purposes of his heart through all the generations. No matter what God’s plans are for us as individuals and as a nation we have the wonderful reassurance that God works for the good of those who love him (Rom 8:28). Despite storms that may rage he has plans for us, amazing ones that include a hope for the future (Jer 29:11).

Matt 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

God wants us to be stretched beyond what we can bear because it is in those times that we learn we can’t do it alone. He doesn’t want to beat us down until we can’t take anymore, but he does send hard times our way in order to make us grow. Honestly, I don’t like the election results from Tuesday, but a part of me is excited because I know that times are coming where I will need to rely on God more than I ever have before and I want that. I want to wake up every morning and know that without him I’ll never make it through. I want to wake up knowing I can’t meet the needs of the day but that I have a God who can. I’m not saying that I am looking forward to the times when life is daily struggle just to get by, but I am looking forward to the times that stretch my faith.

In conclusion I just want to add that while the election may not have turned out the way we had hoped, we still have a God who is in control. Nothing is outside of his hand. Life may be changing but he knows our needs and the love and worry we have for our families, especially our children. The world will be different for them but God hasn’t changed. He still loves us more than we can fathom and desires good things for us and for our children. Life may be hard but he is faithful to meet the needs we have. It may not always be in the way we’d like, but he see’s so much more than we do. No hardship seems pleasant at the time but the everlasting benefits are so much better then we know.       

Tearing Down in order to Build Up

           I was recently going through the some old paper’s trying to find some something for a Christmas gift I’m working on when I came across a homemade book I’d made as a teenager. In it I’d compiled a bunch of different writings I’d written at the time. 

I cried my way through the whole thing.  A few because of the memories they evoked, but other’s because they convicted me of a sin I hadn’t wanted to see.

                As a teen I keenly felt the emotions of those around me. Now that I am older I know that it was because God has gifted me with the gift of empathy, but at the time I didn’t know how to process all of the emotions that I constantly felt bombarding me. I had the wacky mood swings and changes of a teenage girl plus those I’d pick up from people around me. 

I could barely stand to be around people, other than my family, for more than a couple days at a time because I’d feel so drained and tired. I think this stemmed from personality as an introvert, but I believe my ability to perceive other’s emotions also played a part. It wasn’t until I was older that I learned to build a wall against other’s emotions making it easier to deal with more people for longer periods of time. Plus, I finally left the hormones of my teenage years behind making life so much easier!

Reading through my old writings one in particular hit me hard. It was the one that brought me to my knees in tears and sorrow. I want to share it with you today in order to show what God was doing in my heart then and now (be forewarned it’s not very well written).

A Whispering Wind

A whisper in the wind, a voice
              calling me to some place unknown.
              A whisper in the wind, some voice
              is gently whispering in my ears
             the hurts of others.

A whisper in the wind is gently
              calling me to a place I know
           not where.

A voice in the wind is calling my name
           to heal the hurts of others.

Who is calling me to these places?
              Who’s voice am I hearing in the wind
               wind gently calling my name?
               Who but God can whisper on the wind
             to tell me the hurt of another?

So as I hear Him calling I answer,
             “Through a heart full of pain for another
              you are calling, so I will go
            as you tell me; to a world of broken hearts
           I will go to help heal another.”

                God had been working in my heart as teen to help those who were hurting and broken. I had no idea how he wanted to use me only that he had burden my heart with the hurts of others. I believe that God gives each of us gifts and talents to in order to carry out the plans he has for our lives. He had given me empathy for a reason and he was calling me towards a plan greater than myself, but this is also the point where here sin first started to creep in. 

I began building walls and constructing a shell around my heart to keep the pain out. It hurt too much to constantly feel that others were hurting and be unable to do anything about it. Soon I became impervious to much of the brokenness around me. I no longer felt the call to mend broken and battered lives. I didn’t even notice the call was gone at first because I was reveling in the silence of my own heart. I longer felt as though I was constantly battered about from emotions on all sides or that I would break down and cry in the solitariness of my room every time I came in contact with someone who was broken. 

Over time I began to notice though. Something would happen and my heart wouldn’t be moved the way it used to be. It bothered me a little but not enough to change. I knew what lay on the other side my wall and I didn’t want to go there. I prayed that God would soften my heart to the things that broke his, but only if I could keep most of my wall, I was willing to let some of it go, but not all of it.

I think God began a long time ago to chip away at my wall. Breaking down little pieces here and there, slowly tearing down the shell I had hid behind for so long. I think the first big break through came when I started writing again. I’d given up writing somewhere in my late teens. Nothing I ever wrote had seemed right to me and the creativity I’d had before seemed to have dried up and left, and yet two years ago on cold day in March God prodded me to write again and this time, instead of pen and paper, I picked up a computer and started a blog. 

I never had any intention of starting a blog and yet somehow in the space of a day and half I suddenly had one. I believe this where God first started his some of his biggest work within my life. He showed me things about the world around me that I had failed to notice for years and he gave me back a passion for the broken and hurting once again. 

Yet I still resisted letting my walls completely down, but God didn’t let up. Despite my stubbornness he continued his relentless pursuit of me. He kept bringing people, books, and events into my life that slowly forced me to crack the shell I had hidden in for so long.

Today on the floor of my bedroom I cried tears of guilt and sorrow as I realized for the first time what I had done. I had never seen my walls as a sin. To me they were a means of protection and comfort, but in building my walls I had stifled the voice of God. 

This past month God has been chiseling away at my walls harder than he has in years. I can feel them crumbling around me and you know what? I found that I much prefer this side of the wall. Yes, I feel like I might cry over everything and my heart hurts more than it has in a long time but I’ve come to realize that it’s okay. God is breaking my heart for what breaks his and I want it no other way. 

I like to hide myself from the world in order to protect myself from pain and hurt, but I can’t hide if I’m to be part of God’s work. I need to be all in even when it hurts, even when there’s joy and when there’s pain. I can’t half-heartedly do the will of God. He is calling me to part of something greater but in order to truly be a part of this great work God is calling all of me even the part that still suffers from sin and imperfection. He knows I’m not perfect and I never will be. All he’s asking is that I truly try each day to be like him; every day shedding a little more of the old me in order to grow into the person he’s calling me to be. It’s not going to easy and it’s going to hurt but in the end I’m guaranteed it’s going to be worth it.

I still have a long ways to go in tearing down walls, especially since three quarters of the time I don’t even notice they’re there. However, God knows what needs to go, so as long as I am pliable he’ll work in me and together we’ll continue to tear down the things that hinder me from fully following him.