It’s overflowing and uncontainable.
The whole of it is unknowable and unexplainable.
It makes me want to jump up and spin around the room just to
shout his amazing goodness and love.
I woke up yesterday morning feeling
the weight of the world on my shoulders because I’d failed again. I made the
wrong choice. Not intentionally, but still, I’d made it. Time and time again
I’d promised myself I’d do better this time. This time I’d manage my money in a
way that would honor God, and yet, despite this I’d failed again. I hadn’t
saved where I should. I spent where I shouldn’t. Now the bills loomed before
me.
How had I done this again? I’d
tried, but not hard enough. The new shoes had called to me. The new books- ah,
the books- they’d called my name and I was powerless against them. And now, in
90 degree heat, I longed for capris and tank tops. Only I’d gained five pounds,
I was between sizes, and I was stuck between the decision to wear my too tight
clothes or spend more money on “new” clothes at the thrift store.
What was I to do? I wanted new
capris so bad I could almost taste it, but could I justify spending more money
on clothes when summer was almost over? Plus, I was determined to lose those
five pounds (even though I’d been trying for months now). Worry ate away me.
I’d made this mess, and while I knew God loved me and wanted the best for me, I
felt I needed to fix it myself. I should have been responsible, saved my money
and paid the bills. I’d miscalculated the pay days and I was quickly sinking.
How could I expect God to save me when I’d done this time and time again? I knew
I needed to face my mistakes and take the consequences.
Despite all this, I was determined
to take a small amount and find some capris. It was sweltering out and, for
goodness sake, I wanted them! But I prayed and God spoke.
First, I was
reminded I’d been called to live a life of inward beauty rather than one of outward
beauty. I was letting my vanity get the
better of me. I wanted to look good, not only on the inside, but the outside as
well. I didn’t want to wear the skirts or the ugly pair of capris that actually
fit. I was discontent and unthankful for the things I did have.
Second, God gently asked I give up
my right to spend money on clothes. He asked that I be content with what I had
rather than seek more. He didn’t demand or push- he simply left it in my hands
to decide. Right or wrong the decision was mine.
I learned something anew yesterday-
amazing things happen when we give up what we want for what he wants. I gave up
my plans and gave into his and somehow in those moments between dying to my
wants and living for his I found an excitement for the clothes I owned.
Suddenly, I wanted to go through my clothes and find new combinations. My
skirts suddenly became fun and appealing (the capris still not so much). Where
I thought I would begrudge not getting “new” clothes I found I didn’t care.
Even more amazingly I dropped
almost a pound overnight and as the day progressed I dropped almost another
pound (this is unheard of in the history of Miranda) and I began believing I
would actually fit into clothes I’d been avoiding for weeks.
Once again, God proved his way was
better than mine, and once again, I wondered why I even bothered to fight him.
Do I know that my weight will continue to lower or even stay where it’s at? No,
but I do know what I have is enough and if a need,-not necessarily a want-should arise my God is faithful to meet it.
Strangely enough, after today, I no
longer fear how I will meet all the payments I will need to make before pay
day. Yes, I still need to the face the consequences of going my own way and
disregarding the advice given to me, but just like a good parent, he lets me go
my own way so I can learn from my mistakes while still standing by waiting to
offer advice and lend a helping hand when I jump in over my head.
His love is amazing.
It’s overflowing and uncontainable.
The whole of it is unknowable and unexplainable.
It makes me want to jump up and spin around the room just to
shout his amazing goodness and love.
God is good. Through my mistakes, goofs, and rebellions God
is good. In my moments of greatest despair and highest joys God is good. From the creation of the first atom to the
undoing of the universe God is good and I will stand in eternity just to praise
his name
